A centrepiece of my work are rituals. I design and facilitate personal, non-religious funeral ceremonies, which respect the wishes, aesthetics and personal needs of the deceased and their family and friends.
In many families today, there are people with diverse perspectives on life and its greater context. Sometimes traditional and religious contexts are confronted with the need to adapt and create something unique for a particular person. Luckily, it is possible – and beautiful – to build bridges and create community including all our differences. I am always grateful to enter into respectful dialogue and enjoy collaborating with open-minded people from any spiritual path.
For funeral ceremonies and ritual design requests please contact me by EMAIL.
You can contact me if:
A family member or friend has died and you are responsible for the arrangement of their funeral.
You might be looking for guidance in the process of organising the burial and the farewell ceremony. I can help you navigate the procedures of the funeral industry and better understand your options, rights and obligations. Based on our conversations, I create a unique and personal ceremony that honours your values, aesthetics and spiritual approach.
You have been diagnosed with a terminal illness or have become conscious of your mortality in another way.
You might want to consciously shape the rest of your life and take care of your legacy. I can support you by planning your funeral ceremony or living wake, which can be a way to summarise your life experience and say goodbye to your loved ones.
You have experienced loss many years ago and are now ready give it attention and care.
You might be looking for ways to honor the deceased person and consciously integrate them into the story of your life. A personal ritual can be helpful, no matter how much time has passed since your loss.
You are at a turning point in your life that is not related to physical death.
Every change contains elements of saying goodbye to something that has passed and welcoming something new. I mostly focus on funeral and farewell ceremonies, however, occasionally I also design and facilitate rituals related to other life events, such as the birth of a child, important birthdays, endings of relationships, transition to retirement, change of work or moving to a new place.
WHAT DO PERSONAL FUNERAL CEREMONIES LOOK LIKE
While the deceased person’s body or ashes according to Polish law have to be buried at a graveyard, the farewell ceremony itself can take place at different locations. It might be helpful to choose a place that is meaningful for the deceased and for your community. I have conducted funeral rites in chapels, cinemas, art galleries, kindergartens, personal homes and gardens, and in nature – in forests, on meadows, on the shores of rivers, lakes and the sea.
I usually involve friends and family members in key elements, such as writing and reading texts, choosing and/or performing music, arranging decoration and carrying the coffin or urn. These different acts of service are one way to express love and establish a continuing bond with the deceased loved one. I deeply believe that active involvement can be supportive in the grieving process – it helps to regain strength and agency to step out of helplessness. Creating beauty helps us embrace sadness.
My ritual design processes are based on the RISE practice, a method rooted in grief counselling and cultural anthropology I have developed together with Jan S. Möllers and Verena Ries. We also teach how to work with RISE during workshops and have published the RISE Ritual Design Toolkit.
You can get an impression of my approach to personal rituals in the documentary series Migrants, which shows a funeral ceremony I organised in a private garden.
WHY RITUALS ARE IMPORTANT
In every human experience, there are times of continuity and times of profound change. The loss of a loved one often is a turning point in our life stories.
Rituals are helpful when comprehending deep changes, adapting to loss and integrating grief into our lives. It can be difficult to find traditional rituals that feel relevant and accessible to us today. We need to develop a new ritual culture that draws on the richness of traditions and transfers their essence into a contemporary frame. These new rituals can be used to empower and support us, especially when we are confronted with death.
WHY WE NEED A NEW CULTURE OF GRIEF
We live in a time of great transitions. Our present is particularly characterised by loss and transformation. Facing climate change, the pandemic experience, the wars, increasing social division and the rise of anti-democratic movements, many people have lost a basic sense of security or even hope for a future worth living.
Dealing with loss and the anxiety it can create is one of life’s most difficult tasks. In situations of loss, it is a fundamental skill, perhaps even an art, to be able to take care of oneself and other people in a conscious and compassionate way. Grieving is not only an individual but also a collective, social process. In ritual space, through symbolic action in a community, we practise what equips us today with the resources we need for the future – for all the changes that are yet to come.
OPINIONS
“A friend recommended Anja and the Institute of Good Death to us in the darkest days – after the death of our beloved daughter, Marysia. Deep in despair, we met a sensitive, dedicated guide who listened attentively to our needs and stories, and took care of things we would not have thought of on our own. Anja – together with us – created a beautiful farewell ceremony, during which we experienced – despite the pain of loss – love, gratitude and a sense of community. From the perspective of time and other, later meetings with Anja and the Institute of Good Death (circles, individual consultations, workshops), we see that behind the activities of the Institute there are not only wonderful people, but also a wise, deeply humanistic approach to grief and death. This is beautiful and very necessary work – we thank you and support you with all our hearts.”
Jagoda Latkowska & Jan Latkowski
“Thank you so much, Anja. You have a very unique way of being present, which is both incredibly important and not at all intrusive, leaving space to articulate what we would probably rather not face.”
Stanisław Liguziński
“Anja led my father’s farewell ceremony, but in reality she did much more for us. She was a support and guide in this very emotionally difficult experience, which is the funeral of a loved one. She helped us both with technical and organizational issues, as well as with her attentive presence, which gave us comfort.
First, she listened attentively to our stories about the deceased, and then wrote a speech, which she read on our behalf at the grave. She was full of tact, adequate in her actions and at the same time self-confident. She created an atmosphere that was solemn and dignified, and at the same time very personal, warm and giving a sense of security.
What was extraordinary in my opinion in contact with her was her openness to dealing with the most difficult issues combined with calmness and optimism. I think that her presence and commitment had a transformative dimension – she helped us survive this difficult time in a more conscious and integrated way.”
Olga Szczepańska
“A friend who recommended Anja’s workshops on accompanying a dying person said, “You’ll see how she will turn death into something normal.” And that’s what really happened. I gained knowledge, and above all, peace and the courage to talk about death with respect and treat it as something natural. It enriched me greatly as a person and as a psychotherapist, and gave me great freedom in conversation with my clients.
After this experience, it was natural to invite Anja to celebrate the funeral of a loved one. Anja was extremely involved in the preparations, creative in the ways of commemorating the deceased, warm and very gentle. She was an invaluable support to me. She led a beautiful, very personal ceremony. Thanks to her, I experienced how important personal involvement in preparing the funeral is for the process of grieving.”
Małgorzata Wincenciak