A centrepiece of my work are rituals. I design and conduct personal, non-religious funeral ceremonies, which respect the wishes, aesthetics and personal needs of the deceased and their family and friends.
In many families today, there are people with diverse perspectives on life and its greater context. Sometimes traditional and religious contexts are confronted with the need to adapt and create something unique for a particular person. Luckily, it is possible – and beautiful – to build bridges and create community including all our differences. I am always grateful to enter into respectful dialogue and enjoy collaborating with open-minded people from any spiritual path.
You can contact me if:
A family member or friend has died and you are responsible for the arrangement of their funeral.
You might be looking for guidance in the process of organising the burial and the farewell ceremony. I can help you navigate the procedures of the funeral industry and better understand your options, rights and obligations. Based on our conversations, I create a unique and personal ceremony that honours your values, aesthetics and spiritual approach.
You have been diagnosed with a terminal illness or have become conscious of your mortality in another way.
You might want to consciously shape the rest of your life and take care of your legacy. I can support you by planning your funeral ceremony or living wake, which can be a way to summarise your life experience and say goodbye to your loved ones.
You have experienced loss many years ago and are now ready give it attention and care.
You might be looking for ways to honor the deceased person and consciously integrate them into the story of your life. A personal ritual can be helpful, no matter how much time has passed since your loss.
You are at a turning point in your life that is not necessarily related to physical death.
Every change contains elements of saying goodbye to something that has passed and welcoming something new. I mostly focus on funeral and farewell ceremonies, however, occasionally I also design and facilitate rituals related to other life events, such as the birth of a child, important birthdays, endings of relationships, transition to retirement, change of work or moving to a new place.
WHAT DO PERSONAL FUNERAL CEREMONIES LOOK LIKE
While the deceased person’s body or ashes according to Polish law have to be buried at a graveyard, the farewell ceremony itself can take place at different locations. It might be helpful to choose a place that is meaningful for the deceased and for your community. I have conducted funeral rites in chapels, cinemas, art galleries, kindergartens, personal homes and gardens, forests and meadows.
I usually involve friends and family members in key elements, such as writing and reading texts, choosing and/or performing music, arranging decoration and carrying the coffin or urn. These different acts of service are one way to express love and establish a continuing bond with the deceased loved one. I deeply believe that active involvement can be supportive in the grieving process – it helps to regain access to our strength and step out of helplessness. Creating beauty helps us to embrace sadness.
My ritual design processes are based on the RISE practice, a method rooted in grief counselling and cultural anthropology I have developed together with Jan S. Möllers and Verena Ries. We also teach how to work with RISE during workshops and have published the RISE Ritual Design Toolkit.
You can get an impression of my approach to personal rituals in the documentary series Migrants, which shows a funeral ceremony I organised in a private garden.
WHY RITUALS ARE IMPORTANT
In every human experience, there are times of continuity and times of profound change. The loss of a loved one often is a turning point in our life stories.
Rituals are helpful when comprehending deep changes, adapting to loss and integrating grief into our lives. It can be difficult to find traditional rituals that feel relevant and accessible to us today. We need to develop a new ritual culture that draws on the richness of traditions and transfers their essence into a contemporary frame. These new rituals can be used to empower and support us, especially when we are confronted with death.
WHY WE NEED A NEW CULTURE OF GRIEF
We live in a time of great transitions. Our present is particularly characterised by loss and transformation. Facing climate change, the pandemic experience, the wars, increasing social division and the rise of anti-democratic movements, many people have lost a basic sense of security or even hope for a future worth living.
Dealing with loss and the anxiety it can create is one of life’s most difficult tasks. In situations of loss, it is a fundamental skill, perhaps even an art, to be able to take care of oneself and other people in a conscious and compassionate way. Grieving is not only an individual but also a collective, social process. In ritual space, through symbolic action in a community, we practise what equips us today with the resources we need for the future – for all the changes that are yet to come.
For funeral ceremonies and ritual design requests please contact me by email: anja@instytutdobrejsmierci.pl